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I would consider myself as an older mum. I have 4 children, Raphael the youngest age 4, giving birth to him when I was 43.
I have 3 older children who were born within 4 years of each other. All are adults now and leading independent lives. At the time having 3 children under school age was tiring, sleep deprivation effecting me the most.
Looking back the children grew up very close together, shared the same interests and we all had lots of fun. I truly enjoyed watching their development and have some very treasured memories.
My life changed in my late 30's when I met Eric. We married and desperately wanted a child together. When I was 42 , I conceived straight away. Sadly we lost the baby early in the pregnancy through miscarriage. We tried again, and had to bear the trauma of a second loss. Finally God was kind to us and Raphael was born in September 2004.
Now I can ask myself "Is an Older Mum a Better Mum?" I have been a young mum and an older mum - although I didn't consider myself old at 43 until I had my first ante-natal appointment. The girls surrounding me with push chairs and toddlers all appeared to be under 18. I felt rather strange when my name was called and I stood up and had to walk across the room to the watchful gaze of the chattering girls. I felt like a novelty. Did I really look that old to be having a baby?
I read an article in a baby magazine discussing this issue and put myself in their scenarios. The article stated that pregnancies were more likely to be planned (true we wanted Raphael very much) with the mother and father having a degree of financial security(we did). The article also stated that children of older mums tended to do better on ability tests (Raffi has yet to be tested) and that older mums were more likely to be educated( diploma level!?) and of a higher social class (not sure about that!). Interestingly older mums are more likely to breastfeed (yes I did that to).
The main disadvantage obviously being increased fatigue, running around after a baby (especially at night), then toddler (across the floor) then teenager (I expect I will be taxi again)!
On a practical level older parents like us, may well be paying for Raphael’s education into our pensionable years (true but worth it). Mixing with younger mums during pregnancy and early childhood IS difficult because of the lack of things in common. Sometimes it’s a lonely experience for an older mum.
So that’s what the magazine said, I say this:-
Yes, I am an older mum but I am not geriatric. I can still play football, charge around the garden, yell nursery rhymes at the top of my voice, laugh with Raffi till we roll on the floor, you know all the usual stuff!
I have more time to 'play' with my son one to one because I only have one child to care for not 3.
As I know what my other 3 children liked and then watched them grow and develop into fantastic adults, its surely sensible to use the same 'play' activities they liked for Raphael. I consider this the advantage of age and experience.
I am older and wiser at the ripe of old age of 47 and know when I read conflicting opinions on any sort of child care/development that times have changed and what was good for baby then (22 years ago) is not necessarily good now. I tend to go with my knowledge but am happy to accept and even try other methods.
So I say yes in my experience an older mum IS a better mum through her knowledge, practise and experience but that doesn’t mean to say that young mums are bad mums! If you are young and in an environment full of the 'same' its easy to ask for advice, help and information. The knowledge comes fast it has to.
Older and younger women have been having babies for years and will continue to do so. Advice, opinion and methods will change over the next 20 years for our children's generation of new mothers. Good luck to every mother expecting their first babies and remember have fun whatever your age.
Written by
Cinnamon
Sue Raphael’s Mum
2009
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